the travelling pharisee's prayer

with Luke 18:11 in mind

Dear Lord, thank you that I am not like other travellers.

Thank you that I can ride backwards on a train without feeling like I'm going to puke.

Thank you that I don't stand in the middle of the doorway or footpath, or any other high-traffic area of the airport / bus terminal / rail station, to adjust my luggage or consult my travel documents.

Thank you that I can read a tube map without standing directly in front of it, blocking the view of everyone else in the land.

Thank you that I do not need to have a cell phone stuck to my head for every step of the journey, nor do I require a travel companion for unceasing narration of each site.

Thank you that I am not afraid to eat the fowl of the air nor the beasts of the field from the part of the world where I am visiting.

Thank you that I love to read endless train timetables on the internet and know how to use a self-service machine at King's Cross and tube stations.

Thank you that the sound of various languages is like music to me, rather than a strange noise that should elicit craned necks or baleful stares.

Oh yes Lord, thank you that I am so perfect and above other travellers in so many ways that they all want to come and stand right next to me in the train station, or on the tube.

But may I please, in all supplication, ask that you create a 3-foot force field around my body so that none may stand too close, for that is loathsome to me.

And also I beseech thee, Lord, please coat all surfaces with a strong antibacterial coating, so that my hands may not become unclean.

And while we're at it, Lord, please regulate the temperature so that I am constantly in an environment of 55 degrees Fahrenheit, no matter the geographic location or the population density of where I am standing.

Finally, please make all trains run on time, all bathrooms be sparkling and antiseptic (with commodes), an inexhaustible supply of toilet paper available, and wireless internet free throughout the land.

And all that considered, please ignore the first sentence of this prayer as it no longer applies. Oh Lord, be merciful unto me, a traveller.

Comments

[Alan in Belfast]

That's asking a lot ... particularly in the UK!

The Lord may rule that close companionship while travelling is part of the joy, and that despite the dirt in the Tube and the trains, it's not the kind of dirt that kills people. Oh, and something about prayer having been wireless for ages now!

And what is this Fahrenheit you speak of? :)

Glad you got back safely.