L is for loser learner

I had my first driving lesson today, which I can only equate to high school physical education in my level of frustration and humiliation.

Unlike my high school PE teachers, my driving instructor Bertie was very kind and professional in dealing with my ineptness. But I'm sure he was relieved when the 45 minutes were up and there was no damage to the car, any other cars, or the physical area in which the initial instruction took place.

There are two areas in which he quickly surmised he has his work cut out for him: stopping and turning.

Yes, these seem elemental.

But according to the rules of driving here, there are two completely absurd rules;

(1) The driver must pull the handbrake any time the car comes to a stop.
(2) The driver cannot turn the steering wheel by crossing arms. The driver must push the wheel.

Yeah, I cannot explain these, and I cannot do them. There is some kind of bizarre choreography that must take place, with checking of mirrors and pulling the handbrake in a particular manner, and signalling and who knows what else.

May I just mention, I've been a passenger in plenty of cars here and in England, and I have NEVER seen drivers execute these manoeuvres. I think you must comply for the sake of the driving exam, and then you can happily purge these experiences from your mind for the rest of your driving life. Again, the parallels to high school PE are eerie.

Frankly, I think these manoeuvres are more dangerous than my preferred driving style, a view I expressed many times during this first lesson.

There is a theory test I must pass, and then I can take my behind-the-wheel exam. The pass rate is 42% -- and that includes all the retakes!

I wished the instructor had not shared that statistic in the first 10 minutes of the lesson. He was a patient man, a kind man, an encouraging man, but he was astounded at my reflexive crossing of the arms while turning. Or, as I like to call it, turning the steering wheel like a normal person.

At one point he actually blocked the top of the steering wheel with his hand to try to break me of this apparently horrid habit, and even at one point called out "Naughty!" to coerce me to stop.

[I almost drove off the road from laughter right then.]

"Once I get out of this car, you're not even going to last until [the first roundabout] until you're crossing those arms again, aren't you," he sighed.

Oh, once you're out of this car, I'm not even going to wait until I'm out of this parking lot, mister.

The good part of this, of course, is that I get to pay for the thrill of feeling like a complete imbecile. I'm going to keep practicing as I am committed to passing on the first try. I am going to do my little handbrake dance and work on shuffling that steering wheel without driving into the adjacent lane.

And, as Bertie has implored, I'm going to get the little "L" placards to hang on the windshield windscreen and back window to signal to other, puzzled drivers that I am a learner, and would they please forgive me.

The good news is, I only have to display those during the actual lessons!

Comments

[virginia]

The 'pushing the steering wheel' actually applies here in the States too. Not sure why I remember that from my driver's test way back when. You would think my brain would keep better info than that! Of course, no one follows the rule here either :-)

[Opie32958]

I emphatically disagree with the "pushing the wheel" technique. In fact, I think you actually sacrifice a degree of control with it. If that's how they drive over there, that alone vindicates the Revolution.